From Their Eyes
by Every Roses' Thorn
Summary: He was the girl's sun and stars. He was the boy's anchor. He was all the man had left.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: So yeah. I'm writing a threeshot.

Warning: Mention of suicide, reference to sex.

Mikasa does not cry. Not when she sees his closed eyes. Not when she sees the blood that streaks his face that will never smile again. She does not cry at his funeral. She hears Armin, beautiful innocent Armin, speak about how his death is a reminder that we are all mortal. He could barely hold himself together. He broke down halfway through his speech. She watches Levi speak, coldly, almost as if the boy that was the closest living thing he had to a friend was not dead and gone. She wanted to be like him, strong and quiet, hiding her feelings until they go away. Except real life doesn't work like that. After the funeral, she locks the door to her room and sobs. The first person to come looking for her is Armin.

"Mikasa?"

No answer.

"Mikasa, if you want to be alone that's fine, but just know we're here, all right?"

No answer.

It wasn't her lack of affection for Armin that kept her from responding, it was her lack of caring. The world could end right now and she couldn't care less because hers had already collapsed in on itself. She had learned in school that when a star dies, its mass becomes too great for itself, so it collapses and becomes a black hole. That is how she feels. Once beautiful, she has collapsed into the enigma that is herself. But she remains, alive and fighting for the boy she loved.

"Mikasa, it's time for dinner."

Jean is next. She doesn't answer him either.

"Mikasa, please eat."

His voice is pleading. She will humor him.

"I'm not hungry, Jean."

"I brought your food if you don't want to leave your room."

"Thank you."

Mikasa eats in silence. It is two days until she leaves her room.

Years pass, and still she remains. She could have killed herself a long time ago. She contemplated it too. Fifteen year old girl who had lost the boy who was her sun and stars, the very pillars of her existence. Who could blame her? But after many long hours of consideration, she decided not to. It isn't what Eren would want. She would be his legacy.

Mikasa is a captan now. She has underlings, but she does not speak with them often. It is better to stay away and not get hurt, she tells herself. It is almost ironic what she has become. She is Levi. Who could have known that she would become the man she used to detest so much. They are the closest thing the other has to friends. They sometimes have a drink together. Talk about things they don't remember the next day. Sometimes she wonders when she began living like this. Cutting her ties to people as soon as she sees them. She almost never speaks to Armin anymore. When she does it is in the form of a formal letter, written strictly for military purposes. Or, it is in the form of choppy small talk at the formal parties that she detests. Official gatherings in Sina that no high rank military official such as herself would not go to. They were almost solely for political purposes, and politics are the one thing that Mikasa can't stand. Being where she was in the military, she was expected to openly have a political view. She didn't. She simply stated that she would support the king through thick and thin.

Sometimes she saw children when she came back from outside the walls. There is a light in their eyes that is no longer in hers. Young and unbroken by war. Mikasa had long ago decided that before he died, she did not have the slightest idea of what broken was. But then, she wasonly fifteen at the time. Though slightly fractured, at the time, she did not know broken. She did not know shattered.

She once thought that if she saw his face again the hurting would stop. Oh, how very wrong she was. She sees him everywhere now and that hurts even more. She sees him in the flowers trampled by the horses when she leaves the walls. She sees him in the face of every bright eyed and hopeful little boy when she returns. She sees him when she sees each group of new trainees, hopeful, of course. She cannot stop seeing him when she sees their bodies. She tastes him on the lips of every lover she has ever had. Whenever she goes to bed with a lover she cannot remember the name of, she thinks that it might have been better with him. So, she imagines it is Eren. It does the opposite of help.

Sometimes she sleeps with Levi. It means nothing to either of them. It is merely a way to cope with emptiness. No strings attached, but in a marionette type of way. Though the mighty are still alive, they fell a long time ago. She does not ask what he has lost. It seems it would have been an invasion of his privacy. She has made guesses, though none she would voice directly to him. It could be Eren too, but more likely it was his squad, namely Petra. She didn't know much firsthand, but Eren always said that they seemed a bit too friendly. But it wasn't her place to ask. She knew that he had other lovers, and he knew that she did too. And that is it.

The story of Mikasa Ackerman is a tragedy, or so it would seem. To the girl herself, her story only seems empty. Just like her soul and mind, the story of her life was hollow, a room without objects. Mikasa Ackerman was an echo, and the voice that she belonged to is gone.


	2. Chapter 2

The moment Armin saw his face, he started sobbing. How could his oldest friend, one of his only friends, be dead? Armin was a logical person, but somehow his mind refused to believe that he was dead. Armin looked up to Mikasa, and she was expressionless. How? How could she even pretend to feel nothing over this? Or maybe I am just weak. Armin realized. But that does not change Mikasa's feelings towards her adoptive brother. Or is he mistaken? Probably not. If there is one thing that being in the scouting legion has taught him, it is that when he analyses people, or their emotions, he is very rarely wrong. Of course, he would never ask Mikasa directly. Despite being close, it still felt like an invasion of her privacy. It felt wrong.

/

"And so... So his death w-will remind us that we are all m-mortal and-!" Suddenly he couldn't stop crying. He walked away. He couldn't see. He couldn't breathe. He just wanted to curl up into a ball and sob. But he couldn't. He has to sit and watch. He watches Levi speak, his eyes devoid of emotion. Armin wonders how he does it. He cannot stop his emotions from spilling over his head and drowning him. Then he watches Mikasa speak. She tries so hard to be emotionless and cold just as Levi was, but Armin has known her too long. It only takes one look at her for Armin to know that she is only barley holding herself together. His hypothesis is proven correct when she retreats to her room. He makes a half hearted attempt to console her, but, as expected, fails. When Armin sits down, Jean stands up with a plate of food. Nobody questions why, or if they do, no one voices their queries. Jean returns empty handed.

Days pass, and Mikasa returns from her room. Armin wants to be happy, but cannot. Every time he looks into her eyes, he does not see Mikasa. Instead, he finds the girl he has known for years... hollow. He wants to find time to have a real conversation with her, but cannot. She always thinks of some excuse, and if Armin were honest with himself, he would recognize that it hurt allot more then he let on. However, Armin is very rarely honest with himself anymore. / When did this happen? Armin wonders, a year after his death. In the past year nothing has changed about the chemical makeup of the squad, but physically, everything has. He knew that the easy way to tell between a physical change and a chemical change is that you can usually reverse a physical change. Not this one. The scarring was permanent here, and the only way to hide it was the makeup of a blank expression. Eren had his influence on every member of the squad. Even Jean, as much as he hated to admit it. Silence is the norm now. There used to be so much idle chatter. Sometimes they would even smile. That was before. Armin thinks that maybe they believe if they do not speak at all, they will not speak of him. They are wrong. He exists within every minute of silence. Maybe talking would help, but Armin doubts it. He would still exist there. Within every moment they would try to fight off the pain with the words that cannot fill their souls. It is better to accept the alone then to try and fight it. Loneliness becomes something of a shield. Something of a comfort. Something of a hell. At this point, Armin doesn't know the difference.

/

"Mikasa, I'm begging you! Please! Just talk to me."

"Don't be pitiful, Armin."

"I'll be as pitiful as I like!"

A bit of a paradox for him. Admitting that he was pitiful is not one of Armin's strong suits. Still, if it meant- Silence. Just as expected. It has been two years today. She would not leave her room.

"Please go away, Armin."

"Mikasa, what you're doing isn't healthy. I can help you."

"I-" Her voice broke. So she had been crying. "I don't need your help."

Armin opens the door. He takes a moment to analyze the situation. She is curled up. Crying. Sobbing. She looked so different then she usually did now. The only Mikasa he could remember is the cold unfeeling one that he cannot stop seeing every day. This Mikasa is different, though. Her eyes are stained with red, and her body is shaking with sobs.

"Leave."

"No."

He stands in the doorway awkwardly for several moments before speaking.

"Mikasa. Please. Let me help you." She glared him.

"You couldn't help me."

"Actually, I could. You aren't the only one who's lost someone you know."

"You don't know what it's like to be in love."

So she admits it. Armin isn't particularly surprised, and she treats it like common knowledge. Rightfully so.

"I admit, I do not. But Mikasa, you are being so unbearably selfish! Did you ever once think that you are not the only one who lost something on that day?!" Armin was angry now. Not angry at himself as he always was, but angry at her, for wasting away over something that effects everybody.

"I am sorry that I cannot be saved."

So she's made her decision. Well, he has done his best. He cannot save her.

"If you cannot be changed, cannot be saved, then I suppose this is goodbye." The most significant goodbye, anyways. Assuming that they continued their military careers, they would have many insignificant goodbyes. Goodbyes after parties where little to no small talk was exchanged. But this goodbye is the only one that counts.

Armin swallowed. "Please remember me not as the boy who could not fight, as the boy who cried, but as the one who cared for you until the end. Because I will." She made the most minuscule of nods, and Armin left her room for the last time.

She will survive, he decided. Memory is a powerful tool, and she has too much of it. So does he, but it is what you do with it that matters. She will be a vengeful goddess, just as she always has been. He will remain quiet. Tactical. But he will survive as well. In the end, Armin regrets not being able to save her. He suspects she regrets not being able to be saved. Maybe it is ironic. The boy who could have been a hero could not save anyone. But, perhaps it is simply the cruel hand of fate or God or whatever you want to call it. Then again, Armin never bought into those things.

A/N: Yay, I finished it! It turned out longer then I expected it to be and I'm not totally happy with the ending, but oh well. Review/follow/fave please. I love constructive criticism!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Welp that took a lot longer then expected. Blame writers block and general ****laziness. But look on the bright side, it's the longest update. Ok, that's a dumb bright side. But the fact remains that I _finally _finished this thing. Reviews are always appreciated. If you have any questions, feel free to review or send me a pm. So, without further delays, here's the chapter. **

How fitting. Levi thinks as he stares up into the sky. The first few raindrops begin to fall and he knows that the blood will be washed away all too soon. How unnecessary. It didn't suit him. He was young and hopeful and he deserved a better death. Oh well. The circumstances of death are often out of one's control. He, of all people, should know that.

The funeral is a quiet affair, not made for the likes a boy like Eren who had all the hope of humanity on his shoulders. It isn't right, but then again, nothing is in the world he lives in, and one death shouldn't matter even if it does.

It is silent except for the sound of his voice when it is his turn to speak. He cannot afford heartfelt, so he stays disconnected, leaving all personal feelings out of the matter. This is wrong and everyone knows it but no one dares say it. It would stir feelings that most of them hadn't felt since Trost. That couldn't happen.

Levi has not felt the same type of grief that they are feeling before. He has felt denial but not in fear. He does not want to.

Mikasa tries to speak as emotionlessly as he does, but cannot. She still feels too much. She has not yet lost hope that this world can be beautiful. Maybe she will in years. Maybe she will tomorrow. Time can only tell, and Levi loathes waiting.

When Armin speaks, he is broken. He is the sobbing mess that everyone in the room would be if they were not bound by people's expectations. It does not hurt Levi to know that he himself cannot cry. Those events transpired years ago and are best buried under new memories. But everyone else is so _young_ and once full of hope. But now they have seen hell, and this is the result.

_Why is it still raining? _Levi wonders as they leave the place the funeral is held. They will be expected to move on, of course. His things will be removed and taken to some place that needs them more then here. Then the only thing left of him will be the Ackerman girl's scarf and memories. Levi is not sure if this is better or not.

When it is time for dinner, no one is sure what to do. Eren had always done the cooking before, but they _did _need to eat. Ultimately, Armin cooks. His food does not taste the same, but nobody will mention it. It's not like they have not been sufficiently hurt for the day.

Jean tries to get Mikasa to eat with them, but she is unresponsive. Levi does not want to remember the last time he was like that.

As time passes, the people who did not know Eren slowly forget about him. Not entirely, of course, but the name Eren Jager does not mean as much as it used to. When spoken, it was often with reverence, or fear. Now when idly mentioned, it would take a few moments for someone to say

"Oh, the fifteen year old solder? The one who could turn into a titan? He died a while ago, right?"

Then Levi would nod with the same neutral facial expression he had on most of the time, and let whoever he was talking to continue speaking.

Does it always hurt so much? Loosing someone you love? It's not like he hasn't felt it before, he just… Forgets. It's different every time. Maybe he doesn't _want _to remember. It's always better to keep moving then dwell in the past. If he stays in one place too long, or becomes too attached to anyone, he always loses them. If God is real, then Levi sure as hell must have some bone to pick with Levi. It's not like it matters. He long ago decided that he shouldn't believe in anything he can't see or feel, and God is no exception.

As months turn into years, Levi wonders why the hurt won't go away. It hasn't been this hard to forget before, but that won't stop him from trying. He'll leave his squad. Forget he ever knew them and command some new bunch of idiots. If he keeps around them, _her _in particular, he'll never be able to forget. The only person who he allows to come with him is Hanji. If there is one person he knows that can help him heal, it's her. Hanji brings her titans and continually tries to cheer Levi up, however unsuccessful she is.

Levi does not find solace within the new group of idiots, but rather ignorance. None of them remind him of his old squad, and not in the slightest of Eren Jager. But of course, this does not have any semblance of healing. It is only ignoring what he actually feels. But ignorance is bliss after all, and he wouldn't leave it for the world.

Of course, whether or not they would make any advances, they were in the Survey Corps, so they needed to at least _try_ to do something. So they did.

In the first expedition out of the walls after the death of Eren Jager many things happened, the first and foremost being the death Hanji Zoe. Levi swore that he wouldn't feel and couldn't feel and if he had to keep running his whole life just to keep it that way then he would. But _this… _No one would have thought it would happen. She was very experienced, and it didn't seem _right _for her to die. It was unnecessary and unhelpful and for the first time since just after Eren died, Levi felt like he was falling apart. Not long after the death of his longtime friend, he applied for a job with the military police in Sina.

It was a job he would've made fun of years ago, when he was still with his first squad. But now he valued life on his own terms more than death on the terms of humanity, and in a sick way it almost felt _right. _

It was there that he ran into the likes of Mikasa Ackerman for the second time. She had advanced somewhat in the military and was now obligated to go to formal dinners she had no interest in. Levi empathized with her, and they began to speak first through glances.

She would look at him as if to say,

"This guy gets paid to do this?"

And he would respond,

"Apparently. But there's a reason one of us isn't up there."

After several months and much pressure from superiors to talk to someone, _anyone, _they began to speak.

"Why are you here?"

"When you get high enough up you have to start doing this type of thing." _You of all people should know. _"Why are _you _here?"

"Hanji died."

A downward glance and silence. He expected as much.

Mikasa Ackerman was a footnote in the existence of Levi. A footnote, but a very painful footnote at that. A footnote that is not a central player in the story only to stop from boring the reader. Because in reality she meant a hell of a lot more then he let on. Which is why it hurt so fucking much when she left him.

It was sudden. She mentioned offhand how she had something that she would be leaving for. But he figured she would come back. Yes, of course she would come back. She _had _to come back. If she left then every boring meeting would go back to what it once was, boring. That was unacceptable at this point. It may have just been the way things are back then, but now that she had shown him what it was like to actually live for the first time since... Since Hanji was alive. _She isn't leaving you. _He told himself again, but that didn't stop the horrible pit in his stomach

Two weeks later he was still waiting. _It's just taking a while. _He told himself. But she hadn't specified what she was going away for, and from his experience, Levi knew that when people intended to return that was what they did. But he still waited.

Two years later he still waits for her. But, so long without a visit or even a letter just to tell him that she is still alive, he has all but lost hope. Meetings are just as dull as they once were, and his nights are spent without sleep. _So this is it. _He thinks. _I want to forget so badly, but in the end I can only run. _He is pathetic. He'll live out the rest of his days here, in Sina, blissfully ignorant, but oh so pained all because he is a pathetic excuse for a man who uses selfishness or selflessness to disguise his cowardice depending on the situation.

_Now the last gift she's given me is gone. _He no longer has faith of any kind that he can heal. He can only waste away as others, braver strangers, risk their lives as he once did. And the worst part is, that's fine with him.


End file.
